How to win the hearts of those who experience same sex attraction (SSA)?

by Richard Cohen

The following suggested process is a sacred and positive response to offer the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community:

Step one: Apologize in a manner that is appropriate to your personal faith tradition.

The important thing here is to ask forgiveness if you have ever judged this person without providing solution, condemned them without showing love, or mocked them without concern for their feelings. Many who experience same-sex attractions (SSA) have been the recipients of unkind words and behaviors. We need to comfort their wounded souls.

Step two: Listen to the song in their hearts.

Listen to the pain they had to endure. Listen to the years they wanted to share their heartaches with you, but were afraid of your rejection. Listen to how they may have sat in your church, synagogue, mosque and temple, hearing messages of hell, fire and damnation, how they were going to burn and die because of feelings they experienced through no fault of their own. Remember, no one chooses to have same-sex attractions; SSA is always the result of many contributing factors. Listen to the cries of their wounded hearts. Those who experience SSA need a safe home, crave your understanding, and most of all, need your unconditional love.

Step three: Embrace these precious souls.

Demonstrate your care and concern by representing the arms of God. Many men and women who experience SSA are touch deprived because they were unable to sufficiently bond with either their same gender parent and/or same-gender peers. Often they were over attached to their opposite sex parent and/or opposite sex peers. Healthy heterosexual men and women, your genuine concern and salient love will provide a source of cleansing and healing to the LGBT community, more so than all the words in the world. You are the solution to end this long nightmare. Apologize, listen, and embrace.

Further suggestions to create greater intimacy.

Speaking about the need for “change,” or what the Bible says about SSA, will only separate you from this sensitive soul. If she or he grew up in a religious home, they already know what the “Word” says about SSA. You can be sure they have experienced enough judgment and self-condemnation to last a lifetime. Now, it is time to stand in the gap and create a safe place for them to share the many experiences they endured alone, for far too long. Or, perhaps they have found safety only in the arms of other SSA men and women, or on the Internet through “gay affirming” sites. Only your love will begin to reconcile the deep chasm of loneliness that has etched its way into their minds and hearts for too many years.

Speaking about the possibility of change or alternatives to homosexuality may become a natural part of your conversation when you have forged an alliance of love and understanding. Until their hearts have been heard and the healing begun, only then can you open your heart and mind to share another path that may be taken. You will know when the time is right, only after you have experienced empathy for the journey of your loved one or friend.

People of all religious faiths have cast too many stones without offering sincere words of apology. The time is now, the time has come for all men and women, of every faith, to apologize, listen, and embrace all men and women who experience SSA, whether they choose to change or not.

by Richard Cohen, M.A
Director International Healing Foundation

www.gaytostraight.org